30 January 2009

Everyone's A Critic.

Let's be honest.

Jessica Simpson has put on a lot of weight since her Daisy Duke days.

And frankly, I don't think there's any-damn-thing wrong with it. I am so sick and tired of the media trying to dictate what women should look like, what their sizes should be, how big their tits are, what size designer jeans they should be buying - I've completely had it.

I'm an intelligent person, in my own, humble opinion; and I, even, can't help but be swayed by these rail-thin Victoria's secret models and stereotypes that anything beyond a 4 is considered 'fat'.

I am not fat.

I am not overweight.

I don't even have 'a few extra pounds'.

I am just normal, just Sarah.

I'm not going to lie though; do I feel badly about eating a couple tablespoons of ice cream? Yep. Do I feel badly if I eat later than 5 PM? Yep. Do I obsess and obsess about the minor things that could be changed on my body? I abso-fucking-lutely do.

And why, we ask ourselves. Why we feel this way. Is it something inherent, embedded in the human gene? Is it because 90% of adolescents nowadays have mental or personality issues (supposedly)?

Or could it be that society itself is just completely subjective and biased against any woman who's not a size 00? I'm sorry. I just can't swallow that with any satisfaction.

It's an unfortunate, unfortunate disease that women (and some men, I'm sure) have to suffer and society makes it no better.

I find myself completely obsessed about the way that I look in anything and it's not a healthy image to have about one's self.

I have to give credit to Jessica Simpson - she's not at all as dumb as I had originally pegged her.

In, fact, I think she's actually pretty smart. Anyone who can go from the spotlight, being one of Hollywood's 'hottest bodies' to this new, curvy, (happy) Jessica, deserves some major respect.

26 January 2009

This Just Provokes Such Sadness In Me.

Caylee Anthony, slain daughter of Casey Anthony, is pictured above.

I've been following this case pretty much right from the get-go, and since day one, I've been convinced of Casey's guilt. How could you possibly do what she did to a child, let alone your own child?

I'm a mother to a wonderful, sweet, happy fifteen month-old and she is just my life. She's my first child (hopefully not my last) and she completely brightens my life to a degree I once thought impossible to reach.

However, there are certain fuckheads out there that care simply for themselves and have the capacity of a rock to love and nurture. (Casey Anthony.)

This story just gets worse and worse each and every time I open the newspaper.

Reports say that Caylee's grandfather, George Anthony, was found at a motel in Florida after making suicide threats. I can't imagine what this poor man must be going through. Not only to lose his beautiful granddaughter, but to have his daughter locked up for the crime. And I'm sure he's convinced of her guilt, just as I am, just as a lot of people are.

Latest reports state that Caylee's remains were found in a canvas laundry bag placed in a black garbage bag, with a Winnie The Pooh book nearby, a knife inside and a stuffed animal. Her mouth and head were also duct-taped and a heart-shaped sticker was placed over the child's mouth.

How do you go back from there?

How this woman can sit smugly in jail and worry for none but herself, is beyond me. I'm a firm supporter of the death penalty, and I really hope she's convicted and has to suffer the way that poor child did.

Yuck. Just so upsetting.

24 January 2009

Just A Regular, Old Post.

Hi, guys.

I normally don't like to put bits of my personal life into my blog, because frankly, no one cares, nor should they - lol - but I'm super excited and needed to vent somewhere!

My hubby was accepted at a super-sweet college yesterday and... we're moving! I can't convey to you how excited I am. We're in Northeastern Pennsylvania right now, and currently, it's about minus three degrees or something, with a wind chill factor of about negative sixty or something ridiculous.

We're not going crazy South, but it's going to be a helluva lot warmer where we go. Then again, Michigan would probably be warmer this time of year. Whatevs. We'll be gone earliest, June, latest, August.

Regardless, I'm happy. He's happy. We're all happy.

Be happy for me! Yay!

23 January 2009

Doesn't Someone Feel Like An Asshole.

Pink, and estranged hubby, Carey Hart, seemed to have reconciled.

After an almost-year-long break, the talented (?) singer and cycle-enthusiast Hart have gotten back together. Pink and Carey were seen together on New Years' Eve, where she performed at his music club. The pair shared a kiss on New Years'.

How sweet.
What about all of those angst-y songs she wrote about him? Can't exactly take them back, now can we? Sort of damaged our opinions on the fame sucker known as Carey Hart, right?

Let's see how long it lasts this time.

Note to ladies: This is what happens when you pop the question.

Maybe now she can go by 'Pink Hart' and be even more obnoxious.

Image: nj.com

22 January 2009

Disgruntled and Disappointed.

So, I wasn't chosen for the Evil Beet writer position. Ugh. I made it to Round Two and was eliminated.

So, what am I going to do, you ask?

Whatevs, just going to keep on keeping on. I'm not going to stop blogging and deprive you of the entertainment value; the only difference you'll see is there'll be less celebrity fodder, more of my opinion.

Anyway, thanks to you all for following me and I hope to continue our journey together.

21 January 2009

Just Another Sunny Ray Of Light.

For all of you out there that just can't get enough of the new, (and old!) skeevy Madonna photos.

This photo is one of her new Hard Candy promo shots. What say you?

You can sure tell that Madge doesn't approve of airbrushing or Photoshop; check those varicose veins. I didn't even know you could get varicose veins on your shoulders. Maybe it's from all that weightlifting or something, I couldn't really be bothered to find out.

And you can just tell, based on the chicken skin between her breasts, if she took that bra off, those jugs would be suitable as a belt. Or a scarf.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about rocking the non-Photoshopped look, because I think it really empowers people to just be who they are, but if Madonna wants to continue her title as a sex-symbol, she really needs to lay off the photo shoots.

At least, for the rest of her life.

Raffaello Follieri Was Only Embezzling To Pay For Anne's Facelift.

Aah, a face only an experienced con-man could love.

Anne Hathaway, probably one of the most irritating actresses anywhere, in my opinion, has Audrina Partridge eyes in this photo, in addition to the weird neck she's got going on, too.

She's photographed at the Creative Coalition event in DC last night, one of the many parties held in honor of President Obama's inauguration.

And her Daddy was her date.

How sweet.

Jennifer (Lo)Pez Dispenser.

Jennifer Lopez (I guess?) and Marc Anthony at the Inaugural Ball last night in DC.

The couple looks relatively happy, contrary to reports that their relationship is on the rocks, or maybe it's just the lithium. Or at least the company of important people.

If I may say, this looks nothing like J. Lo, I had to even double-check to make sure it's her. But, alas, it is.

I guess Manthony is more controlling than we had originally thought... Made her go for a body swap/facelift that makes her look like the Pez dispenser version of herself.

20 January 2009

Where's LaBeouf? And Also, Isn't LaBeouf French For The Beef? Which Kind Of Makes That Even Funnier. Hah. Shia? The Beef? Where's The Beef?

Aww, whatever.

I can tell you where he's not - and that's driving, for quite some time.

Or, really, since he's a celeb, it'll probably only be for about six point two-four hours or something.

Oh, well.

Shia, who was involved in an accident in July of 2008, has (finally) been sentenced. LA County's DA office reports that Shia's license has been suspended.

I'd like to see how they're going to prevent this from falling through.

Aww, Miley Feels An Emotion Other Than Stupid. Erm, Wait. Is That An Emotion? Who Cares. She Is.

Miley and dad, Billy Joe Jim Bob Arbuckle Cyrus, perform at the "Kids' Inaugural: We Are the Future" concert today at the Verizon Center in DC for President Obama's inauguration.

Miley sheds some light and pearls of wisdom to new First Daughters, Sasha and Malia, saying "You girls must be awfully proud of your dad -- and so am I."

Miley, Miley, Miley.

When are you going to drop the good-girl act and be the skank that you know you really are? I've never seen a celebrity with such an identity crisis.

Except for Dad, Billy Ray... (S)He's" just being" (Miley) Stephen King lately.

Check him out.

Oh, shitfuckit, that awful songs' in my head, now.

The Ever-Evolving Chihuahua.

Vanessa Hudgens, who constantly tries to reinvent herself and always ends up looking more and more like a small breed of dog, has been spotted out twice in the past few days sans much-hotter boyfriend, Zac Efron.

I wonder what the deal is there?

Is he becoming close, personal friends with his doppelganger celebrity, Megan Fox?

Oddly enough, Megan was recently seen at an awards show without current fiance/fame-sucker, Brian Austin Green, chatting it up with Efron and looking quite cozy.

Hasn't someone told him the 90210 days are over? And while they're at it, tell Jennie Garth, Shannen Doherty and Tori Spelling? Oh, and also, he's just an aging, washed up has been?

Anyway. Zac should get rid of Diggy the Dachshund before she drags him down any further and sign on with Megan Fox. I bet we'd get some good stories out of that hookup!

19 January 2009

These Two Definitely Top The List Of Most Boring Celebrity Power-Couples.

If you've really read any of my postings in depth, you'll certainly see that I'm the eternal optimist, so...

I pose this question.

When are these two going to end it? I mean, come on! It was almost completely unbelievable when they first got together, like Ashton was punking us once again, but this is some grand-scale shit.

This is waste people's time shit.

I'm sorry. I never really was a Demi fan, and I always liked Ashton, so maybe it's a bit of a jealousy thing, which I am totally not above, but this thing's got to end one way or another.

She's almost like a female Hugh Hefner... Just with bigger boobs (but not by much, that man's got moobs)... And less grey hair. Oh, and minus those juggy chicks that always follow him around. And, I guess, minus Cris Angel lurking around the mansion's bedroom windows in the late evenings, just waiting for the next Playmate to lose her shit and go all off on Hef.

Okay, I'm off on a tangent. I guess she's nothing like Hef.

Other than the fact that she could practically be his mother.

Anna Kournikova, Holy Hell Do You Look Awful.

Please, really, someone tell me that's not really Anna Kournikova. Really?!

At first glance, I would have bet my life it was Candace Cameron, circa Full House.

But alas, I'm told, it's none other than the famous, formerly gorgeous, Anna Kournikova.

She's definitely looking a bit off in this photo. I pray to God that she's pregnant. Anna is long-term girlfriend of Enrique Iglesias. If she is preggers, that's just wonderful, and congrats to the couple!

But I'm going to warn you, Anna. If you look like this right now... It's going to take you at least a year and a half to get back to your sweet-assed self. I speak from experience, darling, here I am fifteen months later and I'm still not yet 'normal'.

On the flip side, if she's not pregnant... Well, then.

Enrique, I'm so sorry for you!

If That's Macaulay, I'll Eat My Hat. Or Shoe. Or, Really, Any Inanimate Object I Happen To Have Nearby.

Mila Kunis, star of That 70's Show and voice of cartoon character Meg (Family Guy) exits Bed, Bath and Beyond with some odd looking guy that's definitely not Macaulay Culkin. Any idea who this kid might be?

You know, I always gathered Macaulay to be the jealous type.

I mean, you all saw his mugshot, right?

Pretty demented looking, huh?

I don't know, man. But I don't see this being anything too good down the line. The fur's going to fly somewhere. I just hope there's cameras around to catch it. Macaulay's been holding in all this repressed anger somewhere from being an inhibited child star, thrust into the spotlight at a young age, befriended by Michael Jackson, only to have a respectable career torn from him at the wrong moment.

And then to be photographed looking like Jeffrey Dahmer's younger brother.

I just hope it doesn't interfere with Mila's role as Meg. I couldn't imagine anyone else pulling that ridiculous, whining, nasal voice off.

I mean, Fran Drescher is running for Congress or something now, right?

This Woman Shouldn't Talk. Her Name's Soledad, For Christ's Sake.

Soledad O'Brien, legendary bitch of media, has outdone herself this week.

Reports say that O'Brien, Secretary of her co-op NYC condo board, has sent an affidavit to have a... dog... evicted from the premises.

A fucking dog? Are you kidding me?

To be of fair mind, I suppose we all must ask: Is the dog loud? Does he bark and growl, or possibly attack? Does he happen to be of the rabid persuasion?

Nope, not according to sources cited in the NY Post. It's simply on the basis that the dog... Well, does what a dog does.

Drools. Ranks a little bit now and again. Breaks wind whenever he has the chance. You know.

Typical. Dog. Behavior.

Owner, Steven Lyons, is quoted to tell the Post that, “She told me at a shareholder’s meeting that my dog stinks. Her behavior has been particularly outrageous".

Not only does this miserable excuse of a woman "stink", but she sucks, too, but I don't see anyone penning an affidavit to remove her from the premises or to prevent her from doing whatever the hell it is she pleases.

That's it. What do you say?

Someone draw up the paperwork; my signature will be first on that bitch!

Oh, Burn.

Despite the fact that Kate Winslet is "happy" and "married", it doesn't put the kibosh on the always-circulating rumors of her pining away for former (and current) co-star, Leonardo DiCaprio.

Unfortunately for Kate, Leo claims that kissing Kate is like "kissing" his "sister".

Oh, Kate, Burn.

Leo goes on to say, "It's natural and I feel completely comfortable. In a twisted way it's like kissing a family member".

Well, the chemistry these two crazy kids had on Titanic, and from what I've heard on the set of their new flick, Revolutionary Road, it's a little odd that Kate and Leo have the kind of chemistry that is had between family members.

Certainly not mine.

And also, in this picture, DiCrapio looks like Billy Bob Thornton's character in Sling Blade.

Norman and Me. Erm, Jennifer.

A sympathetic paparazzi saved Jennifer Aniston's dog's life tonight.

As you can tell, it's a slow news night, so this tops the charts for me.

No word on if Jennifer rewarded the pap for his good deed.

Maybe she'll allow him to spend the evening with Mr. Mayer to return the favor.

Since all of her promoting is done for Marley and Me, she won't be needing John too much anymore, right?

Ruffalo Case Ruled Homicide.

It only gets worse.

Scott Ruffalo's death has been ruled a homicide, according to the county coroner's office.

“The entry wound is located at the top of the head at the frontoparietal scalp,” the autopsy reads.

I can't imagine what his poor family is going through, even now. First a murder, then a suicide, now a murder again.

They shouldn't have let those schmucks go as quickly as they did.

There's definitely something fishy going on here and I truly hope they get to the bottom of it for his family's sake.

O(bama) is for Oh, Sweet Jesus.

Could this actually be a genuine picture of Samantha Ronson smiling?

Lindsay, who I love, because she's absolutely fucking nuts - and she's not afraid to show it - looks fantastic in this picture, at the inauguration festivities for President-elect Barack Obama, and Sam looks... Well, she doesn't look awful, I can say that with honesty.

Sam's a pretty girl. If she's going to be La Lohan's man (woman?), she's going to have to kick the face up a notch.

Smile, Sam, smile.

And Lindsay, who you can tell is just ready to brew up her next big blowout, is just sweet in her little frock. Oh, Lindsay. You're the role model out there for all semi-psychotic American girls, because I think we all have a little Lohan in us, deep down somewhere.

Paris Wants Herself A Piece Of Angie.

P. Hil, who has gone through a slew of "best friends", most notably Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan (pictured above), Britney Spears, Kim Kardashian and now hanger-on Brittany Flickinger (I'm sorry, I don't care how talented and selfless this girl claims to be, she'll never make it in Hollywood with a name like that), wants none other than Angelina Jolie as a best friend.

Could you imagine the pap swarm if those two were to start palling around together?

Paris is quoted saying, "Someone I can trust. And they have to be compassionate, caring and fun" is what she requires in a BFF.

La Paree, who believes she has a lot in common with Angie also says, "I've had a lot of people in my past who were friends with me just to get publicity."

How ironic.

Where The Wild Things Weren't.

Christina Aguilera threw baby Max his first birthday party, Where The Wild Things Are-style. Pretty good idea, and also quite cute, to boot. My daughter's 1st birthday party was Dora the Explorer themed, and she didn't give a rat's ass.

Christina, who was publicly blasted not long after the birth of her son for being on the party circuit so soon, decided to have some down time with her child and throw him a star-studded bash, including friends like Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden.

How nice of her.

I wonder if the color of Max's hair is her natural color, too?

I guess, my friends, this is just another one of the World's Greatest Mysteries.

18 January 2009

The Most Irrelevant Celebrity Of The Day.

Mischa Barton, one of my favorite holier-than-thou trainwrecks makes headlines on my site today for being the Most Irrelevant Celebrity of the Day.

Why, you ask?

Other than her lack of valid work for the past few years, her high-end (in her high mind) headband line...

It appears Mischa is now the proprietor of an online handbag store.

Check it out here and tell me what you think. Are they as craptastic as her acting skills?

Mischa Barton: As irrelevant as her headbands.

Katy Perry? You Decide.

Photos of an allegedly nude Katy Perry have made their rounds to the internet, barely two weeks after her split from Gym Class Heroes' Travis McCoy.

Travis, so stylishly and so chivalrously, took to his blog shortly after to pen a song or a poem or something to the tune of their split.

Could this be Katy's revenge? If it is, it's super sweet.

I followed a bit of his blog, and Travis always seemed like the mildly possessive type.

Maybe this will put him in his place!

Check out the uncensored version here. It is, of course, NSFW.

I'm unsure of the validity of it, and it could be a total hoax, but you decide for yourself. Personally, I don't think so - this girl is kind of trying for the Katy pout, and not really pulling it off, but hey -- maybe it's Katy in the morning, pre-coffee.

Amy Winehouse, Corrupting Young Children.

Amy Crackhouse plans on starting her own record label.

This should be interesting.

She's evidently naming it Lioness... And her first signed artist?

Her thirteen year-old goddaughter, Dionne Bromfield.

Dionne recently accompanied Amy on her holiday to St. Lucia.

Let's hope little Dionne doesn't follow in her auntie's footsteps.

Where's The (Thug) Love?

After a screening of the new flick, Notorious, based on who else, the Notorious B.I.G, several people were stabbed at an after party, not even four blocks from where the now deceased rapper lived.

I wonder if Lil Kim was there.

Or maybe Puffy and J. Lo, reminiscing their old gangsta days. Maybe it all started over Lil Kim, since she was the brunt of many fights (and jokes!) back in that day.

I guess pimping ain't easy.

A Perfect Gentleman For The Bean-y Baby.

Frances Bean Cobain, looking more and more gorgeous each day, reportedly has a crush on British star of Twilight, (and Harry Potter!) Robert Pattinson.

The more I think about this, the more it makes sense to me. He's just amazingly handsome and she's so intriguing and sweet and beautiful, and despite the fact that Pattinson loves to brag about the chicks he bags, I think it'd be a match made in heaven.

Frances, who's sixteen, should probably be about ripe to enter the celebrity scene - kids are getting younger and younger these days - but I really have a good feeling about her.

And I'm sure Courtney Crazy Love will do anything and everything in her power to make it happen, 'cause she's just Santa Claus like that.

She's Beautiful And I'm Damned.

Keira Knightley, most famous for her acting in Pirates of the Caribbean, is sticking to her story as a period-piece actress.

This girl is just so gorgeous, it makes me sick. Even in spite of the fact that she is kind of scary skinny (I could deal, I could deal!), she's still completely and utterly beautiful. She's got that kind of old-Hollywood style about her and I'd give the left side of my face to look like her.

At any rate, she's been cast to play Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald, F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife, in upcoming Beautiful and the Damned.

If the Curious Case of Benjamin Button is any indication as to how good this movie should be, (BB is written by Fitzgerald; this production will be based on the Fitzgeralds' lives) then I'm sure we won't be disappointed.

Personally, I think she's perfect for the film.

Bandwagon Much?

I'm honestly and truly not surprised that these two are still among the Hollywood elite. I mean, come on.

These two people are so real and so full of humorous anecdotes and wise words for all to live by.

They stand up for what they believe in. (Whether it happens to be John McCain or Barack Obama, or really, in their case, both.) They would never pirate the spotlight for their own gain.

At any rate, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, cycling near their LA home.

Nobody Puts Swayze In The Corner!

Patrick Swayze has been looking better and better, in my opinion, despite the thyroid cancer and treatment and pneumonia and all that.


Nothing can bring this guy down. And I say that in a positive way, because I love the man.

Yeah, he's a little on the thin side, his face kind of looks a bit haggard than it did in Dirty Dancing or Roadhouse, but dammit, he looks fantastic for his conditions.

Swayze, who was just released from the hospital this past week, following a bout of pneumonia, is home again.

"I am happy to announce that Patrick Swayze is home after a brief hospitalization for pneumonia," his rep Annett Wolf tells PEOPLE exclusively.


Nothing. And I mean nothing.

Can bring the Swayze down.

I think I'm going to watch Dirty Dancing today.

17 January 2009

Another Day, Another Verne Troyer Disaster.

Verne Troyer, actor most famous (okay, well only famous) for his role in the Austin Powers movies.

Verne has since used his celebrity to anesthetize himself with drugs and alcohol (to the point of many, many embarrassing outcomes), bed beautiful women (yep, again, embarrassing) and land a sweet gig on Celebrity Big Brother (probably the most embarrassing of all).

We've all heard the stories, the sexual fetishes, the drunken-passed-out-pre-sex-excitement, but folks, you can see it right here for free, where Verne overdoes it (again) on the alcohol and once more (again again again) makes a fool out of himself.

I can only assume this is just another day in the celebrity life for Verne.

Then again, you assume... You make an ass out of you and Mini-Me.

Something Stinks.

And it's probably Jeremy-fucking-Piven who can't shut his stupid fish-stink face about his stupid fish story.

Frankly, I didn't care when it happened. I was kind of even relieved to find out he'd been 'poisoned', because then I'd have to hear less about the fool.

Publicity stunt. Something.

At this point, I'd poison myself just to avoid hearing this stupid story over and over again.

The dude's an asshat.

End of story.

Wanna See An Extra Nipple? Again?

What about a super-HAWT Homer Simpson tattoo? (...wtf?)

Check this out.

It's Lily and some douche whom she refers to as 'porky', on a boat doing an interview. Check around the 2:20 mark for the eerie deformity and around 2:41 for the hotness that is Homer.

Oh, and also, she and that old man split.

Thought you ought to know.

I'd Lose An Arm To See This Shit.

Presenting: former wife of Presidential-nominee, John McCain... ...Drumroll, please.

...What the fuck's her first name again?


Coming to a television station near you: The lovely, reanimated crypt keeper (and here, we thought that show had been cancelled) may be a guest on 'Dancing With the Stars'.

You just have to check this woman out, come on, she's hot. She could give old Cloris a run for her money any day, here. They've got to be close in age, too, am I right?

I don't know about all of you, but I'm frightened.

Really, and truly frightened.

This woman will somehow end up in the White House. Maybe she thinks by coming a celebutante a la Paris Hilton is the way. Maybe if she thinks she's good enough, President Elect Obama will invite her to stay a weekend as the cabaret entertainment or something.

Speaking of which, Cindy McCain? Paris Hilton in ten years. The resemblance is uncanny.

This Phoenix Won't Rise.

One of my all-time favorite actors appears to be going way down the tube. Joaquin Phoenix, who's starred in so many amazing films with his equally amazing skills... I am so sad.

After talk of retirement and Joaquin's cryptic Sharpie-written message scrawled on his hands, I think people were calling his bullshit. Another actor turned-failed-musician, whatevs, same old story.

But this?

It was exactly as cool as I expected it to be.

This shit's going to be something no one's ever going to let him forget!

Bye! Good.

Amy Winehouse, Out Of Control? Never.

Amy Winehouse, quite surprisingly, had been on such good behavior over the past few weeks. Ditched that douchebag Blake Fielder-Civil, took of to St. Lucia and met a nice, Jewish, clean-cut boy who seemed to really like her for what she was. For some reason or another.

Just as all good things must come to an end, new reports are leaking that Amy has been skulking around the resort, consuming any alcohol she can manage (and by manage, I mean steal off of the other guests when they weren't looking) and now, most unfortunately, opening her mouth about her devotion to the man she was quoted to say only a mere two weeks ago, that "sex with Blake" was "rubbish". She "felt like she was dead" each and every time.

Oh, Amy.

I remember the first time I heard your music, being a big jazz fan. I was just completely blown away by your talent, your eccentricity and your general appeal. I'd been a fan of yours from day one, and despite the fact that you were really starting to earn my respect back, you had to open that rancid hole in your face and start spouting off about your very own demented, English, drug-addled Spencer Pratt.

“People think I'm a mess or something but I'm having such a great time and feeling so good at the moment. I'm certainly not out of control as some people have said,” says Amy.

Probably while crawling from table to table, waiting for its occupants to leave so she can swig back that last bit of alcohol/melted ice combination that's always so refreshing.

"I still love my Blake. I won't let him divorce me," People magazine quotes her as saying.

Amy Winehouse once said she'd be joining the twenty-seven club.

She gets back together with this fool and I won't doubt it.

16 January 2009

And This Is Why You Don't Take Your Spouse's Name Upon Marriage, Especially If It Sounds Like Some Kind Of Obscene Bodily Function.

I've heard this woman is an absolute nightmare of a diva on set, but that doesn't justify the ridiculousness that is Daniel Giersch.

Gossip Girls' Kelly Rutherford, now four months pregnant, filed for divorce this past December.

So, of course, Giersch (skeevy name that sounds like an overly mucous-filled sneeze) counter filed and cited that Ms. Rutherford has a nasty temper. An emergency hearing had recently taken place, because she feared that her estranged husband will attempt to leave the country with the little boy.

And he says she has a nasty temper?


That woman's four months pregnant. Her hormones are out of control. You're lucky that she didn't lambaste your eerily-large forehead with some kind of blunt object while you slept, for impregnating her in the first place. Or second place. Or whatever.

If anyone's interested in ready the gory (lengthy and monotonous) details of the filing, you can do so here.

Giersch alleges that Rutherford attempted to "hit" him with "an open fist" in an "angry outburst".

Come on, Giersch, (yuck, again) the term 'open fist' is an oxymoron and is synonymous with "You're a pussy!".

The Most Irrelevant Celebrity Of The Day

Aah, Jessica Simpson. Former Hollywood "It" girl. Falls from grace after divorcing Nick Lachey (good for her, however), dates a string of playboys and ends up with Knight in Shining Armor, Tony Romo. I like them together, I really do. They're both nice, down-home country folk and I think they'd really make a nice little family. Jess, who's career is dwindling down to performing at chili cook-offs, seems to be eeking from the spotlight more and more lately, reasons unknown, but I'd like to think it's because she just wants to settle and be a Mama, rather than be another blonde Hollywood has-been.

Nevertheless, here's a fun little Jessica factoid:

In March 2006, Jessica was dumped via a "fun and friendly" text message by then boyfriend Adam Levine of Maroon 5. Apparently he did mind spending everyday with the blonde beauty because he text her “Really busy. Need space.”

Jessica Simpson: Becoming more and more irrelevant every day.

At Least It Wasn't a Hibachi Table.

What could potentially be more awkward than running into your ex, while you're not looking your best, and he's with his much hotter, totally smoking, all the time, even when she looks like "crap", girlfriend?

The Britster and mom, Lynne, decided to make an ill-informed run to LA's Yatai Asian Tapas bar while lovebirds Jessica and Justin dined.

Evidently there were two reports: One stating that Justin (not Jessica) was gracious and welcoming, waving to Britney, at least trying to alleviate the obvious tension in the air.

Other reports say that Justin and Jessica slunk down in their seats like sixth graders not wanting to be seen by the cool kids at the mall.

Personally, I think I'd believe the latter, because Justin seems to go along with everything that Jess says and does, anyway.

Poor Brit can't catch a break!

Jealous and Self-Conscious Today!

Let me begin by saying how adorable I think Christina Ricci is. I just think she is so cute. If I were the type to surgically alter my face, I might do something along the lines of Ms. Ricci. However, I would never 1) be able to afford something like that, and 2) don't think I'd be able to deal with looking in the mirror every day for the rest of my life and seeing something different that what I've gotten used to over the course of twenty-six years.

Nevertheless, Christina Ricci, who will be starring in the upcoming movie, The Hero of Color City, along with Rosie Perez, Craig Ferguson and Arsenio Hall, as a crayon.

I think it's neat that she shows her versatility in roles such as Rae, in Black Snake Moan, co-starring Justin Timberlake and Samuel L. Jackson and then, in turn, does great kid movies such as Speed Racer.

I've always liked this girl.

Definitely an overly talented, under-rated actress, who's a total hottie, to boot.

15 January 2009

Rehab Is A Full House.

Despite husband Cody Herpin's allegations, Jodie Sweetin insists that she is (at least for now) sober.

According to an interview with People magazine, Jodie states: "There are a lot of things being said about my using that are not going on right now. I want to make it known that I am absolutely, 100 percent sober."

Jodie, who reportedly relapsed this past Summer, drinking "several glasses of wine", has been clean since then. Douche-bag Herpin states otherwise.

I hope for that baby's sake, she is sober.

The only thing worse than a deadbeat dad is a deadbeat mom.

I Just Like This Guy.

Dolores Fonzi, long-term girlfriend of Gael Garcia-Bernal and Argentinian actress, gave birth to a son last week in Spain. The new baby boy was named Lazaro.

This child is sure to be just gorgeous, as are both of his parents.

Bernal starred in one of the best foreign films, in my opinion, The Motorcycle Diaries, which was based on a diary written by Che Guevara, depicting his travels with a friend at twenty-three.

This is surely a movie, that if you haven't seen already, you must.

Congrats to the proud parents!

Britney Bradshaw?

The Britster is reported to be playing Sarah Jessica Parker's cousin in the upcoming SATC movie. Interesting.

Despite all of her going's on over the past few years (and this is coming from someone who absolutely detested Britney at one point in time), I'm pretty happy for her and her new-found sanity. She's kind of accomplished more in the past year than she has in the past five. Let's just hope her performance is better than 2002's Crossroads.

Honestly, I think she'll do just great.

On another note, is this movie really happening, or not? I hear it is, then it's off, then it's back on, then Kim Cattrall is making presumptuous statements and suggestions and SJP's shooting them all down...

Who knows. I'm not even sure the producers know yet.

And this picture?

I apologize. I simply couldn't resist. This might be one of my all-time favorite Brit pics.

The Most Irrelevant Celebrity Of The Day

"The youngest of four sisters, Eva Longoria says she was called 'la prieta faya' or 'the ugly, dark one' as a child".

Anyone give a rat's ass?


Eva Longoria: STILL Irrelevant.

Anna Lynn McCord Poses For GQ.

90210's Anna Lynn McCord will pose for February's issue of GQ Magazine.

I have to say, I saw photos of her posted this past week, at the beach, and she was actually... Frolicking. As in playing in the surf, running 'round, no jewelry, no makeup, just having fun like a normal girl at the beach.

Gotta give it to her, unlike some celebrities that show up to the beach with a full face of makeup and thirty-eight pounds of jewelry. I don't really get that look, anyway. Jewelry at the beach? Won't that cause tan lines? Or at least, scorch marks from large, hot pieces of metal pressing on your skin?

Can't be comfortable.

Regardless, the Anna Lynn McCord that I'm beginning to respect more and more, posing for GQ Magazine next month, along with her funny bellybutton.

Not Because I Believe This, But Because If It Were True, It'd Be Great.

Wouldn't this just be amazing? Former trainwreck and current trainwreck, uniting in the face of public ridicule and adversity?

No, but really. This claim is completely unbelievable, and I'm sure if the encounter even occurred, it was either by chance or simply a friendly meeting.

Reportedly, my favorite Long Island "lady" was seen in Nobu last week, in the company of none other than Madonna's ex, Sean Penn, after her alleged split from Sammy Ronson.

Wouldn't that be something else?

I actually kind of like Sean Penn. He's getting up there in age, but he's still just as cute as he was when he co-starred in Dead Man Walking with Susan Sarandon. Great flick.

Anyway, I can see the catfight between LiLo and Sam from miles away, if this little nugget of sunshine were to be true.

And didn't Mickey Rourke recently claim Penn to be gay? I definitely couldn't see that, but hey.

It'd be a sweet little love sammie (haha, I said 'sammie') for Sammy, LiLo and Sean.

14 January 2009

Madonna's Daughter To Attend Children's Professional School

Lourdes Ciccone-Leon, daughter of Madonna and dancer, Carlos Leon, will be attending the Children's Professional School this year.

Lourdes will be yet another of the slew of celebrities/celebrity spawn that attended CPS, such as Scarlett Johansson, Christina Ricci, Ally Hilfiger, Mischa Barton and Christopher Walken.

This little chick has been in the spotlight for so long, it's hard to believe she's only going to be thirteen this year.

Is it me, or do celebrity children seem to grow up faster and faster every year?

What a knockout.

I hope she doesn't develop her mother's guns. Or her bizarre sexual appetite. Or her bad acting skills in bomb movies.

Scary, scary Madge.

Nevertheless, good luck, Lourdes!

I May Gouge My Eyes Out With a Shoehorn.

I... I don't even know what to say about this picture. Can someone, please, tell me what she's doing? Does anyone really have a legitimate excuse for her crotch-picking??

This picture is worth a thousand words.

It'd probably be worth more if she were able to explain this away.

Oh, bubby, Paris... Please.

The oceans are infested with unknown and unexplainable creatures as it is.

We don't need your deep-sea breed added to it!

The Case of the Disappearing Personality

Carrie Underwood, erm, I mean, Taylor Swift, will be guest-starring on an upcoming episode of CSI, the date yet to be determined.

I don't hate the girl. I think she's pretty, and she's got great hair. Her album sales for 2008 set records of all sorts.

But does she have to be so... Soberly boring? CSI? What's next, "Knight Rider"? Co-host of "Howie Do It"?

Oh, boy.

Come on, Taylor. I want drunken photos. I want leaked YouTube videos of you shredding photos of your favorite Jonas with your pointy teeth.

The new friendship with Demi Lovato. I get it, I get it. Birds of a feather and all that, but why not Lindsay? Or better yet, Paris! You want publicity, that's the way to go, sweetie!

We've Missed You, Jennifer!

Jennifer Hudson returns to the spotlight after her horrific tragedy this past year in a performance of the Star-Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl this year, in Florida.

I have to give it to Jennifer. She came from some pretty mean streets and is just a complete and utter lady. Not to mention sooooo talented. The grace she has handled herself with over the past few years is commendable, especially in light of the tragic events of a few months ago.

I remember hearing the news about the killings and that waste of skin and teeth, William Balfour. I was so completely horrified, I couldn't think about anything for days. I can't even imagine the pain she must have gone through, and I'm sure still is. I hope the piece of shit rots in jail (or in hell) for all eternity.

On a side note, Jennifer is nominated for four Grammys this year and will hopefully be a shoe-in.

Anyway, Jennifer. We're all rooting for you, and wish you the best, because girl, you deserve it.

Katie Holmes and the Obligatory Vacant Look.

Katie Holmes looks amazing in the new campaign for Miu Miu. Unfortunately, she still has that bedraggled, where-have-I-been-for-the-past-few-years look on her face, which can only be attributed to the insanity that is Tom Cruise.

Katie joins the ranks of Kirsten Dunst and Vanessa Paradis as the current face of Miu Miu, and I can honestly say this is the best she's looked in months.

She even looks better than she did during the filming of "Teaching Mrs. Tingle", which I still have on a recorded VHS tape somewhere in the bowels of my attic.

When, oh, when, is she going to go back to the sweetness that was Joey Potter?

Can't she see that Scientology ages?

And of course, any respectable Scientology husband drains his wife's youth and good looks. It's the vampire effect. He's looking better now than he did in his Top Gun days.

Joey, I miss you.

(Cue Paula Cole's "I Don't Wanna Wait")