Insecurities

For all of you that are unaware, my family and I will be moving in a few short weeks to a completely different state, area, you name it. Different style of home, new surroundings and all of the crazy adjustments that go along with it.

I'm down for change; I honestly am. I'm truly looking forward to this new chapter in life.

I did, however, have a slight meltdown last night in the middle of the night regarding this move. I can honestly say, up to this point, I've never had a second thought about whether or not what we are doing is right for us. I still insist that this is a gigantic opportunity and I'm still very excited about the brand-new existence that's in store for us. Even if I were able to second-guess to the point where I was really considering not doing it; that's not an option at this point. Contracts are signed, deposits for school have been paid and jobs have been secured. There is no failure or question option here.

It's frightening, sometimes, how something can be so utterly right in every way and then in the blink of an eye, the same thing can seem so overwhelmingly impossible.

I'm going into this optimistically.

It's a great opportunity. Our new home is beautiful and a half mile from the beach. The area is safe and quiet and I'm going to have the option of having my long-awaited garden in my backyard. It's got a garage. My current home basically has a parking lot in the rear, with no possibility for a garden or for leisurely enjoyment. My husband will be attending graduate school at one of the nation's most prestigious private colleges for his particular major. I will be very close to my mother and father, who are so important to me as it is. I have secured a decent job (nowhere near as posh as what I've got now, but it'll pay the bills sufficiently) and I'm also going to be pulling in some additional income with the new blog that I've signed on with.

I guess it's just the pre-move jitters. I generally don't experience these feelings; more often than not, I'm the one who is reassuring everyone in an ever-changing environment that things are going to work out for the best. Hell, I didn't even get the pre-wedding jitters. I've. always. been. so. sure. Of everything. I'm the one who always had oodles of confidence, even if I didn't feel it way deep inside, down to the core.

Confidence is a great facade to model.

However, when you really have to maintain it for a long period of time, and lord it over those who are lacking, it becomes a little more difficult than not.