14 January 2009

Briefly Interrupting Celebrity Coverage To Speak About Public Urination.

My mother came over my house last night to watch the Premiere Episode of American Idol (and I capitalize that because it's an iconic event) and we were on my porch, smoking a cigarette on commercial break, because I don't smoke in my house. Ever notice that you can tell if someone is an in-home smoker just by coming into their house? It's a hang-y, acrid, dirty smell. And I don't like it. It stinks to high heaven.

Anyway. Public Urination.

As we were on the porch last night, the minus four degree weather numbing my sensory capacities, I squatted slightly, and asked my mother...

"What would you do if I just stood here and wet myself. I mean, completely just peed, right through my jammie pants and onto the porch? We're talking big, wet spot on the crotch of my pants, pee."

Well, it got a funny reaction, and we laughed about it for a few minutes, but even funnier, I was telling people about this at work today. Fortunately, they know how insane I am and how random the things are that just unwillingly erupt from me at times. Needless to say, they didn't even bat an eye when I told them of my weird proposition last night.

Regardless. We got to talking about how much we'd have to be paid to pee pants in public. (Say that five times fast...) Talking about how it might be harder to pee on command, especially in public, and especially for ladies. I think men might have an easier time of it, because, well... Just envision it.

After much discussion, I think I've come to the conclusion that I'd probably do it for free.

Just because to me, in my warped sense of humor, it'd be worth the laugh.

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