09 March 2009

The Intricacies Of Inadecquacy

Those were two killer words to spell. And I don't even feel like spell-checking them to see if they're right.

You guys can do the math on that one.

I hate. hate. hate. how there's that one person in your life, that no matter what you do, makes you feel like you're always just below par, always just a little bit not good enough.

I have a person in my life, who will remain nameless to protect the not-so-innocent, that, with almost every singular step I take or every decision that I make: subtly implies that no matter what I do, is never one hundred percent right. No matter how I look, or what I wear, things I say or enjoy; good is never good enough.

And it's a positively sly manifestation of non-verbal communication. It's actions. It's looks. It's positive neglect to acknowledge my excitement at something that gives me joy or induces pride in whatever it is I might do.

It's the anti self-justification that I've tried fruitlessly to establish over a period in time in my life.

I goddamned (and fuck you, spell-check, I do not want to use the word 'goddaughter' here) well know that I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. I'm attractive enough. I'm involved enough. I care enough.

But there will always be that one person in your life who will negate these happy mantras at their every whim.

No comments:

Post a Comment